Monday, March 17, 2014

Reality of Young Motherhood

Its been a while since I posted a blog. I guess I'm not a faithful blogger like I had originally intended this blog to be. Heck, I hardly have the time anyways. But lately something has just been itching for me to type and post, and that's how glorified being a young mom "appears" to be in today's society. Notice I say, appears ladies! Appears!! Once again, appears. Okay.. I think you get it.

I may not be the total imagine of a "teen mom" because frankly I'm not a teen. But I am definitely a single, young mom. I got pregnant going into my third year of college. Which I couldn't imagine being one of these 16 year old moms. Or even middle school! Yes, I've heard of middle school aged moms!! But regardless at any young age, it's tough.  My life consists of working a part time job, stressing about how I'll ever finish school, and what I should even major in to be successful enough to support my son in the future. I have to deal with lawyers and child support crap, I'm still living with my parents so I don't have even MORE expenses, and I'm trying to find peace in Gods plan for me through it all. Which can actually be the toughest part of it all. If I get to shower, or take a bath, that literally is my new Haven and "get away". Shaved legs, then its a dang good day. Frankly, I don't even know how I made the time to write this blog. Makeup is my obsession, but I rarely get to put on my whole face for fun. Thank goodness for all these editing apps out there now a days. Kidding. Even if I do take a picture, its of Cannon anyways. Never me. If you follow me on anything, sorry. It should be renamed to Cannons Twitter, or Cannons Instagram. Oh well.

Okay, so back on subject. The "thing" that has just completely been itching me the wrong way lately is when my friends or any young girl or lady say things to me like....

"You're such a milf"
"I have baby fever"
"I want a baby"
Just no, stop.

Let me first just say that motherhood is the single best calling I could ever be blessed with.
There is absolutely nothing, I mean nothing I love more in my life than my son. So do not take this blog as if I wish I wasn't a mommy, because there is nothing I love more. Clearly my blog title can express exactly how I feel about my son. I embrace it, and love every single second I have with this precious gift from God. I wouldn't trade him for anything this world could offer. I live for that boy, and I always will. But.... I'd also give anything if he had made his beautiful appearance like AT LEAST five years down the road from now. Five may even be pushing it. I would've liked to have been married and completely swallowed in love by a man that endlessly adores me. I also wish I had been done with school. Today's society glorifies being a teen mom. Yes, it is the most rewarding thing a woman could go through but its tough to be a single, young mom. Thats the difference. If I didn't have the support like I do, with my family mainly, I really don't know how I would make it.

On a day to day basis I worry about my life. As a mom your life takes a dramatic 180 degree spin. You go from care free, loving life, partying, friends, living a selfish lifestyle (which is how your 20's should be)... To a complete 180 of that when becoming a mom. Things aren't about me anymore, they are about Cannon and frankly I am okay with that. I have to watch all the rest of my friends in their 20's going out, going on spring breaks, studying abroad, having a BLAST.. while I'm cleaning up spit up off the floor or chasing a baby around the room so he doesn't bust his head open because he just learned how to crawl. Cannons worth is far more than a drunken spring break anyways. Take that back, MY WORTH is far more than a drunken spring break or clubs. I constantly worry about finishing school to pursue a career that can support myself and Cannon. My goals and dreams are now surrounded by a beautuiful, blue eyed boy. The love a mother has is so incredible. Its so selfless, and its never ending.

As a mom, you have your child twenty-four seven, you may have to quit school for a while, may not even be able to go back to school, you have to work, hire lawyers, have day care expenses, what you do make working pays for foods/clothes/anything baby (never anything for yourself). Which is reality when you become a mom, they are all you want to spend your earnings on anyways. I never go to the mall and say "ulta first" or "forever 21, I'm coming for ya". My first stops are Baby Gap and Gymboree. You know I hit up Babies R' Us too.

The worst part of it all, is how unfair it is to be a single young mom. As far as the dad goes, his life doesn't change at all... Yeah, he may have to pay child support (if he even wants too or is forced too, one) but other than that his life is the same besides he gets to play with a baby on the weekend or when he pleases. Dads just don't have it hard. They don't even have to be apart of the child's life, they can sign rights over and it's like their sperm never existed. Disgusts me. And that outcome was a reality for two of my good mommy friends actually. And boy, are those guys missing out on some incredible and beautiful blessings. That house with the white picket fence is just sadly not a reality. I mean look at the shows "teen mom 1-2-3" (however many there are). How many of those girls have it easy? Not a single one of them... Most didn't finish their schooling, are constantly in court houses, on drugs, dealing with dead beat dads, getting married because they feel lonely, or being forced to marry by parents, someone cries at least every episode, or their pregnant AGAIN for God knows what reason. Some people may think that show glorifies being a mom, but I completely disagree.. The only part that may glorify young motherhood is the fact that their on TV, and some have over 100k followers on twitter probably. That's it ladies, there's absolutely nothing graceful about those shows. The worst part is not one of them follow or know God. Or if they do its not expressed at least.

As a single mom I have to take on roles that aren't particularly intended for a woman. I have to be strong, a provider, and much more. God calls women to be the weaker of the two in a relationship. He intends for men to the head of the household, and women to be the neck and shoulders. I have to be the head, neck, and shoulders and it can sometimes become overwhelming. As women we are strong, beautiful, creatures that deserve respect from a man 24/7, 7 days a week. 365 days a year. You are worth far more than diamonds, according to God. So you should be treated just as delicately ladies. Wait around for that too.

Proverbs 31: 10 
A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.

I guess my whole point in this blog is to say, yes motherhood is the single best blessing any woman could be given. But as a young mom, the road is just a little tougher. There are far more things to embark on before you reach that step to motherhood ladies.
Us single mommas have it tough. Just a reality of it. So to all you ladies out there, in middle school, high school, college.. Motherhood is the single and most rewarding and toughest job out there. I hope any female reading this will take my advice... BE SINGLE,  live your life on your own terms, travel, make friends, finish school, get your masters/bachelors/associate, whatever you may want to do. Find who you want to be in life, where you want to be in life, go camping, hike a mountain, skydive (because you can't do that when another life depends on you haha), buy your first dream car, walk the isle with your dads blessing, fall in love, a few times maybe, buy designer clothes and bags and shoes, do something good for your soul and someone else, USE PROTECTION and every type of protection too. Don't be stupid. Take advantage of contraception. It only takes 1 time, and that's the truth!

And for all you single young mommies out there. You're not alone. You are loved by a forgiving, merciful, graceful God who has an incredible plan for you and your child. Even though at times it's hard to see. Everything I listed in the paragraph above you can absolutely pursue and do the same things (well just maybe not the skydive part lol). It may take us a little longer and it may be a tougher road but it can happen. Don't loose hope, because I'm not. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. The strength and heavy hearts with chains you have had to carry and mold into will one day be lifted. Keep going, keep pursing where you want to be in life and your goals whatever they may be.. because you can do it. You will do it. After all, we do have the biggest motivators out there, ya know?



  1. Shelby,
    I remember when I found out I was pregnant in 1980....3 days before my high school graduation.I already had plans to hit Myrtle Beach wide open for a week long party then head to college in Charlotte then move to New York and live in the fashion world craziness. I sat there after I found out..stunned. I went home and talked to my dad of all people! He was very supportive. The rest of my family was slower to understand. I had a dream a few days later. I dreamed I was going to have a son. I couldnt see his face but I knew it was a boy. You develop thick skin when you are an unwed mom. You learn to fight for your child every minute of every day and you suddenly realize it is all worth what you thought you were giving up when you see the first silly little grin or the first hug. You become more determined than ever to be a strong provider for them, because in the end its just you and your child. Its true that the dad doesnt have the same investment. They didnt carry the child and feel him kick. Its a tough road but the rewards are many and the blessings are plentiful. I know youll do just fine.....whatever the future holds for you and your little man. Much love, Kim Queen Russell

  2. Thank you so much for commenting Kim. Knowing there are other women that are and have been in my situation that have had wonderful outcomes gives me such hope. Everything you said is so true, and its great to know other women out there can relate. You don't know what that means to me! There is nothing like a love that a mom carries for her children.

  3. I always say, "God what would you have me learn from this?" about any situation that is not what I planned. Sounds like you have learned a lot and are willing to share with others, that is a blessing. You are blessed to have a great family full of love and devotion, many don't have that. You are a blessing to Cannon and to others. God can use all of this to help others. Thanks for sharing, Shelby.


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