Why I have changed my mind about expectations

“Expectations are the root of all heartache” ~William Shakespeare

All the many times I have heard that and began to believe its truth. Except I have usually heard expectations are the root of disappointment, but whatevs. Same thing. Have you heard that before? Pretty sure I tweeted that quote not even maybe a month ago. I got to a point in my life the past few years where I stopped expecting things from anyone, especially when it came to relationships. I began to believe that saying, and think about how truly valid it was. I 100% believed it. Frankly, I expected my entire life at 23 to be a complete 180 of where I am currently.
I stopped expecting help from anyone. I stopped expecting honesty from anyone. I stopped expecting courtesy, loyalty, manners and committment from anyone. I stopped expecting a gentleman, and prepared myself for an ass hole. I stopped expecting a date, walk to the door, or pulling my chair out and just opened that door before they even could. I stopped expecting honesty and prepped for the lie. Because like the saying goes, expecting something like that will only lead to disappointments. Didn't you know? 
Well I found out recently I was wrong about that entire mind set, and so are you William Shakespeare. At least from my perspective now he's wrong. Not dissing on a remarkable legend if you're a shakespeare fan, but okay moving on. God really has been speaking to me about expectations and come to find out, I had it all twisted. I was wrong to not expect anything. All the things I listed above are all something I actually SHOULD expect. I use to be so discouraged when it came to relationships and thought there wasn't anyone out there who would treat me right, because frankly I have yet to see it. Welp, I found out I was once again.. wrong. I have a God that pursues me daily. That is honest to me daily. That listens to me daily. That loves me daily. That is loyal to me daily. I have a God that shows me EXACTLY what I should expect from someone one day here on earth. How awesome is that? Not only that, but I can expect to get through a bad day. I can expect that "this too shall pass". I can expect better things to come in all aspects of life. 
So, heres my advice. EXPECT the things you should expect and also want. But also expect that you can't get these things without giving it in return. A queen needs to be treated like a queen, as well as king does. Don't get disappointed when that guy doesn't call you back, because theres someone who will one day. Don't get disappointed when a date goes terrible because he wasn't mannerly, didn't offer to pay, or open doors for you... because someone else will. Don't get disappointed when a guy is disrespectful or rude to you... because someone else WONT. One of the keys to happiness is letting each situation just be what it is and not what it should be. Don't think about it so much. Instead be surprised when it does happen, and not disappointed when it doesnt. Thats the beautiful thing about it, someone else will do exactly what doesn't disappoint you. I know its hard, trust me, I've been there.. too many times. But I've now got to a point where what happens happens, and if its not what I want, then what I want will be coming shortly. And until that person comes along, there is God that is there for me anywhere, anytime, and always 'will'.  Trust in him, and let him handle all your expectations. 

He is preparing someone great, and you can expect that to happen. 

Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

Proverbs 23:18 - For surely there is an end; and thine expectation shall not be cut off.
Psalms 62:5 - My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation [is] from him.
Spiel is now over, thanks for reading! 

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10 Reaons I Want a Husband Like my Son

Weird title, I know... but it intrigued you to read my blog didn't it? No this blog is not what it seems to be or sounds like, but its true.. I want a husband that is like my one and a half year old son. Trust me, it'll all come together as you keep reading. It honestly is so true when they say there is no love like a mother and son. I think it is the same concept when it comes to a daughter and father. You become their first love, and they become yours. So here are my reasoning's...

1. He loves my unconditionally
He loves me day in and day out. I wake up in the mornings and get sweet kisses and hugs. He love me unconditionally and I love him unconditionally. He also knows when I need love. I swear one day I was so upset with a circumstance with his father, and my son literally just hugged my neck for 10 minutes when I got him out of the car. He just held me. I was on my knees outside, and I honestly feel like Cannon knew I was upset. He didn't say anything or move, but was there for me when I needed him and made everything better within moments.

2.  He motivates me
I now have the biggest motivator in my life. My son makes me want to do my all out best in every aspect of my life. I want a man that makes me feel the same way. That pushes me to be my best, and do my best. He encourages me and gives me strength to push through every circumstance or obstacle I face and overcome it at the end of the day. He never slows me down or belittles me, it's always the opposite and for that I am thankful.

3. He compliments me
I am my best when I am with him. He brings out the best in me. He makes me happy, giddy, thankful, determined, hard working and on cloud 9 24/7.

4. I fall for him more and more every day
I have never loved something more in my life than I do my son. No matter what he does, I fall for him more and more everyday whether I want to or not. It just happens. I hope to find someone one day that makes me fall for him more everyday and gives me the type of love that I am excited to wake up to and have.

5. He knows where the line is...
He knows where the line is drawn and what is not okay. He may pass it and test the waters but he at least is aware of that line. He may aggravate me and step over it sometimes, but when he does he comes back to me asking for forgiveness. In the end he somehow makes me forget all about it, and then reminds me about how much I love him. He learns from mistakes and we forgive each other.

6. He is my "partner in crime" and "sidekick"
He may whine and not want to go shopping, but in the end he deals with all my little errands and goes on shopping trips with me just because he knows it makes me happy. He is willing to be my tag along and most of the time if you see me, you see him. We spend our days together simply because we love being around each other and time together is time well spent.

7. He is never lazy
He wakes up at the crack of dawn ready to go for the day. He somehow makes my mornings worthwhile..even on Mondays. Also, when he gets up he is a hard worker. He impresses me daily by his strong willed nature and determined attitude to figure out things or start something new. He is busy all day solving puzzles, drawing up plans, and building Lego skyscrapers. By lunch time he has worked SO hard all morning, he usually is ready for nap, but he deserves it. The good thing about his naps though, he wakes up ready to go at it again. He never gives up, and "works" hard all day long. He is simply the most impressive man I have ever seen.

8. I'm never bored with him
He never ceases to keep me entertained or laughing. He is always making me smile and we never get bored together. We go outside, go hiking, go on trips, go on dates, go to the pool, go shopping, dance together, go to the park, or just simply cuddle and watch Santa Clause movies. He never ceases to amaze me with all his "date" ideas, and never bores me. I look forward to every moment I have with him.

9. He shows me my worth with every breath I take
On the day my son was born, my eyes were wide open to reality. He has shown me what I deserve in my life, and also what he deserves. I realized that I wanted someone who would love and respect me at all times, and be a role model for him as he grew to become a man. I realized that I wanted to be with someone that I would be proud of if Cannon grew up to be just like him. He has shown me what unconditional love looks and feels like, and made me want the same in a husband one day.

10. He helps me out
Okay, granted I am talking about a one and a half year old here.. but he is so smart and helpful. He knows when to put things in the trash or clean up his toys. Before we left the house the other day my son made sure to turn the small trashcan the right side up before he went out the door. He loves to help out his mommy around the house!


John 16:21 "When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world."

 Merry CHRISTmas from me and baby C

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The Outcome

This week has started a new chapter for myself and Cannon. I went back to school full time, and Cannon will be starting day care due to that. I am very sad, but also very appreciative. I have been lucky to be able to spend his first year enjoying every moment, cry, smile, giggle, milestone, and kiss. Besides working a part time job, and a few online classes, Cannon has had all of my attention this past year. Many mommies do not get that opportunity, and I am SO thankful. But on the contrary, it also makes dropping him off at day care even harder. I wish I was able to just stay at home with him every single day, but that is just not a reality for me. I have to finish school, succeed, and be able to provide and support him. I don't want him to have a mom that gave up. So although this week has been hard, and I have felt like I was going to have anxiety attacks during class worrying about him, I have to look at the outcome.   Lately I have been focusing on the "right now moment"..which in some cases is the way that you should look at situations. To live in the now and not worry about what tomorrow brings. But I have come to realize that focusing in the now is actually very.. well depressing (for my situation). I have to focus on the future and the outcome of everything I am doing and where it will have me in a couple of years. Returning to school the other day did nothing but put me in a depressed mood. While walking aroud I felt very out of place. I felt as if no one was in my shoes. I felt as if no one had the lifestyle as me. I felt as if I knew no one and like I had no social life. I felt like I was just in a different place in my life compared to everyone else. Most people walking around either lived on or right off campus, and was worried about what party would be happeneing this weekend and where they are going for thirsty Thursday. Me on the other hand, just wanted to finish my classes and get to my baby. You cannot imagine how hard this was for me. I am having to accept that I am not the typical 21 year old anymore and that I have had to sacrifice everything for my son. I do not live that carefree, careless, lifestyle that most are in college. I have a job, priorities, and a goal that HAS to be reached now because I have another life that depends on me.    I also have found myself being very bitter. Bitter towards people my age. Bitter towards not getting invites to things. Bitter when I can't make it to something I'm actually invited too. Bitter towards Cannons father. Just bitter. I have come to realize my bitterness is the result of my own jealousy. Jealous that I am not that 21 year old anymore. Jealous that I can't just drop everything and go out. Jealous that Cannons father did not have to make the sacrifices like I have, and that he didn't choose to make those sacrifices either. I hold the weight of Cannon and with that it effects every aspect of my lifestyle now. Although, I don't even want to live that "21 year old, college" lifestyle, it's the fact that I didn't have a choice which brings my frustration.    But today I had a big slap across the face, and I have decided that I am not going to be bitter anymore. It has sucked all the life out of me lately. It is not a enjoyable way to live your life. I shouldn't ever be bitter, because I have the most precious blue eyed baby bouncing on the sofa next to me and hitting the computer making me have to backspace this whole blog. My luck, he actually has been sick this week with a 100+ fever... So on top of full time school schedule and work at 5am most mornings, I have had a restless cuddly baby radiating heat from his body for three days now. But during one of those restless nights he squirmed his way up onto my pillow, turned his nose to where it was touching mine and then put his arm around my neck. I melted. That moment I realized how truly blessed I am and how I could not live my life being bitter. I will never forget this moment with him. That moment made all the hard work and exhaustion worth it. It made all the sacrifices worth it. 

As hard as it gets, I cannot change the situation I am in and this too shall pass. I live a far more rewarding life that anyone else on Western Carolina's campus, and I could guarantee that. I have also realized that others will have to answer one day to their decisions. It's not my place to try to convince them of their wrongdoings and what they're missing out on, God can show them one day. God sacrificed it all for me, and now I'm sacrificing it all for one of Gods children whom I also call my son, Cannon. I know I will be rewarded for this someday.   So for right now, I am going to focus on the outcome. Which I feel like many people are in the same shoes as me. Feeling as if they are stuck in the same ole, same ole. They can't see what or why the particular situation that they are in currently will ever help them one day. Their situations aren't fair. They can't see a happy ending. I'm there. As much as I want to give up, I can't. I am now going to focus on my future and focus on what will be. So today I am going to challenge myself, and others that find themselves in situations where they can't see the end result, to focus on the fact that there IS an end result. Have hope in tomorrow and in your future. All of your hard work will pay off one day. There will be a plan, there is a reason for everything, and there is an outcome for everyone.     FTRRft berrrrg4v r4 4retrytr  vg <-- baby Cannon's motivation for you all   Verse for today's post.  JOHN 13:7 "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."  

   

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