Tuesday, December 23, 2014

10 Reaons I Want a Husband Like my Son

Weird title, I know... but it intrigued you to read my blog didn't it? No this blog is not what it seems to be or sounds like, but its true.. I want a husband that is like my one and a half year old son. Trust me, it'll all come together as you keep reading. It honestly is so true when they say there is no love like a mother and son. I think it is the same concept when it comes to a daughter and father. You become their first love, and they become yours. So here are my reasoning's...

1. He loves my unconditionally
He loves me day in and day out. I wake up in the mornings and get sweet kisses and hugs. He love me unconditionally and I love him unconditionally. He also knows when I need love. I swear one day I was so upset with a circumstance with his father, and my son literally just hugged my neck for 10 minutes when I got him out of the car. He just held me. I was on my knees outside, and I honestly feel like Cannon knew I was upset. He didn't say anything or move, but was there for me when I needed him and made everything better within moments.

2.  He motivates me
I now have the biggest motivator in my life. My son makes me want to do my all out best in every aspect of my life. I want a man that makes me feel the same way. That pushes me to be my best, and do my best. He encourages me and gives me strength to push through every circumstance or obstacle I face and overcome it at the end of the day. He never slows me down or belittles me, it's always the opposite and for that I am thankful.

3. He compliments me
I am my best when I am with him. He brings out the best in me. He makes me happy, giddy, thankful, determined, hard working and on cloud 9 24/7.

4. I fall for him more and more every day
I have never loved something more in my life than I do my son. No matter what he does, I fall for him more and more everyday whether I want to or not. It just happens. I hope to find someone one day that makes me fall for him more everyday and gives me the type of love that I am excited to wake up to and have.

5. He knows where the line is...
He knows where the line is drawn and what is not okay. He may pass it and test the waters but he at least is aware of that line. He may aggravate me and step over it sometimes, but when he does he comes back to me asking for forgiveness. In the end he somehow makes me forget all about it, and then reminds me about how much I love him. He learns from mistakes and we forgive each other.

6. He is my "partner in crime" and "sidekick"
He may whine and not want to go shopping, but in the end he deals with all my little errands and goes on shopping trips with me just because he knows it makes me happy. He is willing to be my tag along and most of the time if you see me, you see him. We spend our days together simply because we love being around each other and time together is time well spent.

7. He is never lazy
He wakes up at the crack of dawn ready to go for the day. He somehow makes my mornings worthwhile..even on Mondays. Also, when he gets up he is a hard worker. He impresses me daily by his strong willed nature and determined attitude to figure out things or start something new. He is busy all day solving puzzles, drawing up plans, and building Lego skyscrapers. By lunch time he has worked SO hard all morning, he usually is ready for nap, but he deserves it. The good thing about his naps though, he wakes up ready to go at it again. He never gives up, and "works" hard all day long. He is simply the most impressive man I have ever seen.

8. I'm never bored with him
He never ceases to keep me entertained or laughing. He is always making me smile and we never get bored together. We go outside, go hiking, go on trips, go on dates, go to the pool, go shopping, dance together, go to the park, or just simply cuddle and watch Santa Clause movies. He never ceases to amaze me with all his "date" ideas, and never bores me. I look forward to every moment I have with him.

9. He shows me my worth with every breath I take
On the day my son was born, my eyes were wide open to reality. He has shown me what I deserve in my life, and also what he deserves. I realized that I wanted someone who would love and respect me at all times, and be a role model for him as he grew to become a man. I realized that I wanted to be with someone that I would be proud of if Cannon grew up to be just like him. He has shown me what unconditional love looks and feels like, and made me want the same in a husband one day.

10. He helps me out
Okay, granted I am talking about a one and a half year old here.. but he is so smart and helpful. He knows when to put things in the trash or clean up his toys. Before we left the house the other day my son made sure to turn the small trashcan the right side up before he went out the door. He loves to help out his mommy around the house!

John 16:21 "When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world."

 Merry CHRISTmas from me and baby C

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

The Outcome

This week has started a new chapter for myself and Cannon. I went back to school full time, and Cannon will be starting day care due to that. I am very sad, but also very appreciative. I have been lucky to be able to spend his first year enjoying every moment, cry, smile, giggle, milestone, and kiss. Besides working a part time job, and a few online classes, Cannon has had all of my attention this past year. Many mommies do not get that opportunity, and I am SO thankful. But on the contrary, it also makes dropping him off at day care even harder. I wish I was able to just stay at home with him every single day, but that is just not a reality for me. I have to finish school, succeed, and be able to provide and support him. I don't want him to have a mom that gave up. So although this week has been hard, and I have felt like I was going to have anxiety attacks during class worrying about him, I have to look at the outcome.
Lately I have been focusing on the "right now moment"..which in some cases is the way that you should look at situations. To live in the now and not worry about what tomorrow brings. But I have come to realize that focusing in the now is actually very.. well depressing (for my situation). I have to focus on the future and the outcome of everything I am doing and where it will have me in a couple of years. Returning to school the other day did nothing but put me in a depressed mood. While walking aroud I felt very out of place. I felt as if no one was in my shoes. I felt as if no one had the lifestyle as me. I felt as if I knew no one and like I had no social life. I felt like I was just in a different place in my life compared to everyone else. Most people walking around either lived on or right off campus, and was worried about what party would be happeneing this weekend and where they are going for thirsty Thursday. Me on the other hand, just wanted to finish my classes and get to my baby. You cannot imagine how hard this was for me. I am having to accept that I am not the typical 21 year old anymore and that I have had to sacrifice everything for my son. I do not live that carefree, careless, lifestyle that most are in college. I have a job, priorities, and a goal that HAS to be reached now because I have another life that depends on me. 
I also have found myself being very bitter. Bitter towards people my age. Bitter towards not getting invites to things. Bitter when I can't make it to something I'm actually invited too. Bitter towards Cannons father. Just bitter. I have come to realize my bitterness is the result of my own jealousy. Jealous that I am not that 21 year old anymore. Jealous that I can't just drop everything and go out. Jealous that Cannons father did not have to make the sacrifices like I have, and that he didn't choose to make those sacrifices either. I hold the weight of Cannon and with that it effects every aspect of my lifestyle now. Although, I don't even want to live that "21 year old, college" lifestyle, it's the fact that I didn't have a choice which brings my frustration. 
But today I had a big slap across the face, and I have decided that I am not going to be bitter anymore. It has sucked all the life out of me lately. It is not a enjoyable way to live your life. I shouldn't ever be bitter, because I have the most precious blue eyed baby bouncing on the sofa next to me and hitting the computer making me have to backspace this whole blog. My luck, he actually has been sick this week with a 100+ fever... So on top of full time school schedule and work at 5am most mornings, I have had a restless cuddly baby radiating heat from his body for three days now. But during one of those restless nights he squirmed his way up onto my pillow, turned his nose to where it was touching mine and then put his arm around my neck. I melted. That moment I realized how truly blessed I am and how I could not live my life being bitter. I will never forget this moment with him. That moment made all the hard work and exhaustion worth it. It made all the sacrifices worth it. 

As hard as it gets, I cannot change the situation I am in and this too shall pass. I live a far more rewarding life that anyone else on Western Carolina's campus, and I could guarantee that. I have also realized that others will have to answer one day to their decisions. It's not my place to try to convince them of their wrongdoings and what they're missing out on, God can show them one day. God sacrificed it all for me, and now I'm sacrificing it all for one of Gods children whom I also call my son, Cannon. I know I will be rewarded for this someday.
So for right now, I am going to focus on the outcome. Which I feel like many people are in the same shoes as me. Feeling as if they are stuck in the same ole, same ole. They can't see what or why the particular situation that they are in currently will ever help them one day. Their situations aren't fair. They can't see a happy ending. I'm there. As much as I want to give up, I can't. I am now going to focus on my future and focus on what will be. So today I am going to challenge myself, and others that find themselves in situations where they can't see the end result, to focus on the fact that there IS an end result. Have hope in tomorrow and in your future. All of your hard work will pay off one day. There will be a plan, there is a reason for everything, and there is an outcome for everyone. 
 FTRRft berrrrg4v r4 4retrytr  vg <-- baby Cannon's motivation for you all
Verse for today's post. 
JOHN 13:7 "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."


Monday, March 17, 2014

Reality of Young Motherhood

Its been a while since I posted a blog. I guess I'm not a faithful blogger like I had originally intended this blog to be. Heck, I hardly have the time anyways. But lately something has just been itching for me to type and post, and that's how glorified being a young mom "appears" to be in today's society. Notice I say, appears ladies! Appears!! Once again, appears. Okay.. I think you get it.

I may not be the total imagine of a "teen mom" because frankly I'm not a teen. But I am definitely a single, young mom. I got pregnant going into my third year of college. Which I couldn't imagine being one of these 16 year old moms. Or even middle school! Yes, I've heard of middle school aged moms!! But regardless at any young age, it's tough.  My life consists of working a part time job, stressing about how I'll ever finish school, and what I should even major in to be successful enough to support my son in the future. I have to deal with lawyers and child support crap, I'm still living with my parents so I don't have even MORE expenses, and I'm trying to find peace in Gods plan for me through it all. Which can actually be the toughest part of it all. If I get to shower, or take a bath, that literally is my new Haven and "get away". Shaved legs, then its a dang good day. Frankly, I don't even know how I made the time to write this blog. Makeup is my obsession, but I rarely get to put on my whole face for fun. Thank goodness for all these editing apps out there now a days. Kidding. Even if I do take a picture, its of Cannon anyways. Never me. If you follow me on anything, sorry. It should be renamed to Cannons Twitter, or Cannons Instagram. Oh well.

Okay, so back on subject. The "thing" that has just completely been itching me the wrong way lately is when my friends or any young girl or lady say things to me like....

"You're such a milf"
"I have baby fever"
"I want a baby"
Just no, stop.

Let me first just say that motherhood is the single best calling I could ever be blessed with.
There is absolutely nothing, I mean nothing I love more in my life than my son. So do not take this blog as if I wish I wasn't a mommy, because there is nothing I love more. Clearly my blog title can express exactly how I feel about my son. I embrace it, and love every single second I have with this precious gift from God. I wouldn't trade him for anything this world could offer. I live for that boy, and I always will. But.... I'd also give anything if he had made his beautiful appearance like AT LEAST five years down the road from now. Five may even be pushing it. I would've liked to have been married and completely swallowed in love by a man that endlessly adores me. I also wish I had been done with school. Today's society glorifies being a teen mom. Yes, it is the most rewarding thing a woman could go through but its tough to be a single, young mom. Thats the difference. If I didn't have the support like I do, with my family mainly, I really don't know how I would make it.

On a day to day basis I worry about my life. As a mom your life takes a dramatic 180 degree spin. You go from care free, loving life, partying, friends, living a selfish lifestyle (which is how your 20's should be)... To a complete 180 of that when becoming a mom. Things aren't about me anymore, they are about Cannon and frankly I am okay with that. I have to watch all the rest of my friends in their 20's going out, going on spring breaks, studying abroad, having a BLAST.. while I'm cleaning up spit up off the floor or chasing a baby around the room so he doesn't bust his head open because he just learned how to crawl. Cannons worth is far more than a drunken spring break anyways. Take that back, MY WORTH is far more than a drunken spring break or clubs. I constantly worry about finishing school to pursue a career that can support myself and Cannon. My goals and dreams are now surrounded by a beautuiful, blue eyed boy. The love a mother has is so incredible. Its so selfless, and its never ending.

As a mom, you have your child twenty-four seven, you may have to quit school for a while, may not even be able to go back to school, you have to work, hire lawyers, have day care expenses, what you do make working pays for foods/clothes/anything baby (never anything for yourself). Which is reality when you become a mom, they are all you want to spend your earnings on anyways. I never go to the mall and say "ulta first" or "forever 21, I'm coming for ya". My first stops are Baby Gap and Gymboree. You know I hit up Babies R' Us too.

The worst part of it all, is how unfair it is to be a single young mom. As far as the dad goes, his life doesn't change at all... Yeah, he may have to pay child support (if he even wants too or is forced too, one) but other than that his life is the same besides he gets to play with a baby on the weekend or when he pleases. Dads just don't have it hard. They don't even have to be apart of the child's life, they can sign rights over and it's like their sperm never existed. Disgusts me. And that outcome was a reality for two of my good mommy friends actually. And boy, are those guys missing out on some incredible and beautiful blessings. That house with the white picket fence is just sadly not a reality. I mean look at the shows "teen mom 1-2-3" (however many there are). How many of those girls have it easy? Not a single one of them... Most didn't finish their schooling, are constantly in court houses, on drugs, dealing with dead beat dads, getting married because they feel lonely, or being forced to marry by parents, someone cries at least every episode, or their pregnant AGAIN for God knows what reason. Some people may think that show glorifies being a mom, but I completely disagree.. The only part that may glorify young motherhood is the fact that their on TV, and some have over 100k followers on twitter probably. That's it ladies, there's absolutely nothing graceful about those shows. The worst part is not one of them follow or know God. Or if they do its not expressed at least.

As a single mom I have to take on roles that aren't particularly intended for a woman. I have to be strong, a provider, and much more. God calls women to be the weaker of the two in a relationship. He intends for men to the head of the household, and women to be the neck and shoulders. I have to be the head, neck, and shoulders and it can sometimes become overwhelming. As women we are strong, beautiful, creatures that deserve respect from a man 24/7, 7 days a week. 365 days a year. You are worth far more than diamonds, according to God. So you should be treated just as delicately ladies. Wait around for that too.

Proverbs 31: 10 
A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds.

I guess my whole point in this blog is to say, yes motherhood is the single best blessing any woman could be given. But as a young mom, the road is just a little tougher. There are far more things to embark on before you reach that step to motherhood ladies.
Us single mommas have it tough. Just a reality of it. So to all you ladies out there, in middle school, high school, college.. Motherhood is the single and most rewarding and toughest job out there. I hope any female reading this will take my advice... BE SINGLE,  live your life on your own terms, travel, make friends, finish school, get your masters/bachelors/associate, whatever you may want to do. Find who you want to be in life, where you want to be in life, go camping, hike a mountain, skydive (because you can't do that when another life depends on you haha), buy your first dream car, walk the isle with your dads blessing, fall in love, a few times maybe, buy designer clothes and bags and shoes, do something good for your soul and someone else, USE PROTECTION and every type of protection too. Don't be stupid. Take advantage of contraception. It only takes 1 time, and that's the truth!

And for all you single young mommies out there. You're not alone. You are loved by a forgiving, merciful, graceful God who has an incredible plan for you and your child. Even though at times it's hard to see. Everything I listed in the paragraph above you can absolutely pursue and do the same things (well just maybe not the skydive part lol). It may take us a little longer and it may be a tougher road but it can happen. Don't loose hope, because I'm not. There will be a light at the end of the tunnel. The strength and heavy hearts with chains you have had to carry and mold into will one day be lifted. Keep going, keep pursing where you want to be in life and your goals whatever they may be.. because you can do it. You will do it. After all, we do have the biggest motivators out there, ya know?

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